Blog http://www.hoffmannhospice.org/blog.aspx http://www.rssboard.org/rss-specification mojoPortal Blog Module 120 Dealing With Death: Three Steps Towards Recovery From Grief and Loss When we die and we lose a loved one who was close to us, we need to understand that the past cannot be forgotten, but that there is a new different future for us. We will not be the same person as we were before our grief and loss. By understanding and dealing with death and by understanding the process of mourning, we can help overcome the burden of bereavement.

Here we outline three stages in bereavement and mourning. Knowing about these grieving steps can help us become used to a different life with a major relationship missing.

First, we need to understand the loss we have suffered rationally, in our head.

By understanding our loss in a rational way, we can move from a state of severe shock and grief into a more normal period of mourning and bereavement.

It can help to develop a story of what happened to the person you lost, thinking through what happened in the run up to the death in the hours, weeks or even years before, if there has been a lengthy illness. By understanding more about why or how a person has passed away, we know our process of mourning can be helped. This moves us away from simply focusing on the moment of death itself.

Secondly, we need to come to terms with our loss emotionally.

Once we being to accept our loss rationally, we need to come to terms with our loss in our hearts. We do need to ensure we do not avoid reminders of our loss, as this process can help us bring acceptance. The very process of confronting what has upset us can bring about a lessening of the intensity of grief. This is not about forgetting, but about moving away from grief to a place where we can remember the happy memories of our loved one without intense pain.

Thirdly, we need to rediscover ourselves as a different person.

In simple terms, you are a different person without someone who has been very close to you. You may be uncertain how to describe yourself socially. For example, you can no longer necessarily say: "I am Sarah's husband" in a group of people who did not know him.

With time and support, you can discover a new identity for yourself. This is not an identity without the happy memories of your past, which can never be forgotten and will always be a part of you, but it is an identity which needs to work for your future.

Discovering who you are again after someone close to you has died is an essential part of coping with your grief and loss.
 

 

 

About The Author

Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people cope with grief and bereavement as well as understanding their own fears around death and dying. She is an accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own website, http://www.dealingwithdeath.com. She has a Master's degree and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is also an ordained Christian minister. For more help please see: http://www.dealingwithdeath.com/
The author invites you to visit:
http://www.dealingwithdeath.com

Admin  ...]]> http://www.hoffmannhospice.org/dealing-with-death-three-steps-towards-recovery-from-grief-and-loss.aspx http://www.hoffmannhospice.org/dealing-with-death-three-steps-towards-recovery-from-grief-and-loss.aspx http://www.hoffmannhospice.org/dealing-with-death-three-steps-towards-recovery-from-grief-and-loss.aspx Thu, 25 Nov 2010 01:29:00 GMT Death of a Parent: Understanding Our Emotions and Grief by: Dr Emilie Warren The death of a parent is a seminal moment in our lives, whether it is anticipated, for example after a long illness, or not. This is the case whether or not you are close or rarely see them. The departure of someone who looked after you in your childhood is a fundamental point in our lives.

The emotional paths this will take you on will differ depending on your age, where you are in your own life and the nature of your relationship with them. The chances are that this is a death that will leave you feeling empty.

You may have hoped they would meet as yet unborn children, or see young children grow up more. You might have hoped they would approve of your career moves. You might feel you have lost someone you can rely on when no one else seems to care. And this can be devastating.

Alternatively you may feel that your parent was holding you back and this is a moment when you expected to find a sense of freedom, but now this has become fear. Was it an excuse? The loss of attachment can be difficult.

The death of a parent will inevitably bring back memories. There will be memories not just of love but of anger. There will be things you recall that you regret you said. there will be things that you regret you never said. You may feel a sense of childhood bewilderment, even as an adult, which will surprise you.

The death of a parent may bring siblings together again in a family home that has not really been a family home for years. This might create tensions, or it might bring the benefit of better developing sibling friendships from the past.

There might be arguments about funeral arrangements or a renewed sense of unity and feeling of love.

And of course, a surviving parent will now both be distraught and upset and getting to grip with a different reality and role within the family. At the same time step- parents and step families can find themselves in a difficult and awkward position.

Around the time of death and in the funeral arrangements afterwards, there is a lot to be done and there are new emotions and old emotions converging. It seems to be a time when everyone is too busy to stop and think. But this is a time when you need to find a little space for yourself too.

At the same time, often thoughts and anxieties about your own death will occur to you, at the very moment when you need these thoughts least. You will feel a sense of your own mortality and this is something we all need to come to terms with.

Good parents give us a mantle of security and safety in our childhood and the death of a parent may reinforce a realisation that you are now part of the generation in charge.

We need to take the time to consider these thoughts and changes and adjust to them.
 

 

 

About The Author

Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people cope with grief and bereavement as well as understanding their own fears around death and dying. She is an accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own website, http://www.dealingwithdeath.com. She has a Master's degree and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is also an ordained Christian minister. For more help please visit: http://www.dealingwithdeath.com/death-parent/
The author invites you to visit:
http://www.dealingwithdeath.com

 


Admin  ...]]> http://www.hoffmannhospice.org/death-of-a-parent-understanding-our-emotions-and-grief-by-dr-emilie-warren-.aspx http://www.hoffmannhospice.org/death-of-a-parent-understanding-our-emotions-and-grief-by-dr-emilie-warren-.aspx http://www.hoffmannhospice.org/death-of-a-parent-understanding-our-emotions-and-grief-by-dr-emilie-warren-.aspx Thu, 25 Nov 2010 01:21:00 GMT